


Dead Boy Walking

by Masterless



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Matteo is sad, Matteo is very sad, trigger warning: blood, trigger warning: self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-12 18:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18452048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterless/pseuds/Masterless
Summary: Hans was in his room, just starting to watch Heathers on Netflix when he heard Matteo leave. He wasn’t gone for long, barely halfway through the movie, but he came in a lot louder than when he left. He slammed the front door shut and stomped through the apartment, shoes clunking down harshly against the old wood. He moved like a hurricane through the flat, pushing his door closed with a resonating crack, sending shock waves through the air.





	1. Chapter 1

Hans was in his room, just starting to watch  _ Heathers _ on Netflix when he heard Matteo leave. He wasn’t gone for long, barely halfway through the movie, but he came in a lot louder than when he left. He slammed the front door shut and stomped through the apartment, shoes clunking down harshly against the old wood. He moved like a hurricane through the flat, pushing his door closed with a resonating crack, sending shock waves through the air. Hans paused his movie, listening closely, wanting to know what was going on despite his recent anger with the younger boy. He still cared about Matteo, no matter what he’d said.

He didn’t expect the crashing and the shattering that came soon after Matteo locked himself inside his room. The barely contained bellows of rage that came with every smash and every break. Hans had only every heard Matteo get this mad once before, but it had stopped almost as soon as it had started.

Mia was at his door after a few minutes of the noise, the utter destruction in Matteo’s room.

“I’m trying to study,” she said, trying to feign annoyance. She really just wanted to know if Hans was worried, too.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” he said, looking up from his laptop. “He was so happy earlier today, I don’t… know what happened. He was only gone for maybe half an hour.”

Linn was at the door soon after Mia, confusion written plainly on her face. “What’s going on?” She slumped onto Hans’ bed, next to Mia. “Why is he so loud?”

Hans’ shook his head. They all jumped when another loud shattering sound reverberated through the apartment. There was an abrupt silence, a slight whimpering from behind the door, and suddenly it was being flung open and Matteo was running towards the bathroom, holding a hand over his wrist. Hans and Mia stood, both crowding the doorway and looking into Matteo’s room, at the complete destruction he’d created. Mia gasped slightly, looking down at the floor, at the small trail of dark red droplets against the pale wood.

“Matteo?” she called, walking towards the bathroom. “Matteo, do you need any help?”

The quiet that followed was only broken by a barely audible sob. 

“Matteo?” Hans asked, coming up behind Mia. “I’m going to open the door, okay?” 

He waited a few seconds before reaching for the doorknob and twisting it left, pushing open the door. Mia gasped and Hans stared, wide eyed, as they took in the sight before them. Matteo was almost kneeling in front of the sink, his forearms propped against the rim, thick, bright red blood bubbling from a deep gash in his wrist, smaller jagged cuts littering his right hand. The sink was slowly staining red, and Matteo sunk to his knees.

Galvanized, Hans stepped into the bathroom, pulling a hand towel from the hanger on the wall, and pulled Matteo’s arm towards him, wrapping it as tightly as he could and holding it above Matteo’s head.

“Mia, call for an ambulance. Linn!” he yelled down the hall. She came guiltily out, staring, terrified, into the bathroom. “Get in here and help me.”

She gingerly walked into the room. “What can I do to help?”

“Get me more hand towels,” he said. “Any of them, it doesn’t matter the colour, we’ll just throw them out after.”

She nodded, speeding out of the room.

“Matteo?” Hans asked.

The boy groaned slightly, his head now tipped back against Hans’ shoulder. His eyes fluttered behind his lashed.

“Oh, Matteo, Matteo, what have you done?” Hans muttered, mostly to himself.

Mia was back at the door, the phone held tightly to her ear. “They want to know if he’s taken any drugs.”

Hans looked down at Matteo, who was blearily staring up at Mia. He shook his head weakly.

“He says no,” Mia related to the operator. She blinked a few times, nodding. “Any alcohol?”

Again, Matteo shook his head.

Linn came back into the room, dumping every single hand towel from the linens closet in the hall. “I didn’t know how many to get.”

Hans pulled another one towards him, stopping only for a moment to stare at the blood on his hand. He shook his head, swallowed, and wrapped the clean towel around the old one, keeping it held on tight.

“She’s asking what colour the blood is,” Mia said, stepping closer and peaking into the sink. “I don’t know, blood coloured?” She waited for a moment. “Is it brighter?” She looked down at Hans, confused. He nodded. “Uh, ja? It’s pretty red, not very dark.” She listened again. “Matteo, did it… did it, like, squirt out when you… did this?”

He nodded slightly.

“Ja, he says it did.” She was going pale. She nodded, kneeling. “The ambulance is on its way, Matteo.” She shook his foot slightly, trying to comfort him. “She says we need to keep him conscious.”

Hans nodded. “Matteo, tell me about David, huh?” He smiled softly down at the other boy. “Tell me why he makes you so happy, ja?”

Matteo’s eyes were tearing up. “He doesn’t want to be with me,” he whispered softly, his voice barely there at all. “He doesn’t like me anymore.”

Hans heart sank. “Is this… because of him?”

Matteo shook his head, but it morphed into a strange kind of nod halfway through. He was crying fully now, thick tears leaking from his eyes. “I didn’t mean to cut this hard, it’s never been this deep before.”

“But I’ve seen you in tee-shirts,” Mia said, frowning. “I’ve never noticed any cuts before.”

Matteo’s free hand, still bleeding slightly from short cuts, prodded weakly at his left hip, drawing a slow line down to half way down his thigh.

“Oh, Matteo,” Linn said, shaking her head. “You could have talked to us.”

Mia sat up slightly straighter, listening intently to the woman on the other side of the line. She nodded. “We need to open the door for the paramedics, but she says we shouldn’t move him.”

Linn stood and left, racing to open the front door. She waited out in the landing for the paramedics, looking down the stairs and hoping she could just make them appear. 

Hans shook Matteo slightly when his eyes had slid closed. “Hey, you, keep telling me things. How is it going with Jonas? Your friends?”

“They all think I’m acting weird.” Matteo chuckled humourlessly, opening his eyes again, if only slightly. “I guess they’re right.”

“There here!” Linn called. She ran back into the apartment, slipping into Hans’ room to make sure they could pass.

There were suddenly too many people in the bathroom, and Hans had to pass the boy, quickly growing limp in his arms, to another man, to a stranger. They whisked him up and onto a stretcher. Hans followed close behind, looking back to Mia and Linn only when they’d gotten out to the ambulance.

“Go,” Mia said, pushing his arm slightly. “I’ll call Alex, see if he can give us a ride.”

Hans nodded and stepped up into the back of the ambulance behind the paramedics.

 

*

 

They got home at around three in the morning. They all slumped down onto the sofa, Linn resting her head where Matteo’s had rested not four hours ago. They’d gotten there on time, Matteo got stitched up, and Hans was happy to just bring him home, but they had wanted him to stay. 72 hours psychiatric observation. The doctors and nurses had him transferred to a ward three floors up, and Hans, Mia, and Linn were kindly told to go home.

With both girls on either side, Hans looked down at his hands, still stained with Matteo’s blood. If he was being honest, this isn’t the first time he’d been through something like this, with old friends from school, with a cousin or two. It had never hit him this hard before, though. Matteo wasn’t nearly as close to him as his friends or his cousins had been, but this was different. Hans felt responsible for Matteo. He was young and exploring and accepting himself, in his own way, and Hans felt like he was given this impressionable young guy who just needed a kind guiding hand. He hadn’t been very good at guiding, but he had been better than Matteo’s parents.

There was a knock at the door, causing them all to jump. Mia stood and went to open the door, letting in a very bedraggled and sleepy looking Jonas.

“Jonas?” Hans asked. “It’s 3:30, what are you doing here?”

“I just…” He shrugged. “I don’t know, I felt like I needed to check in on Matteo. I got this weird feeling that maybe he wasn’t…” His eyes had traveled along the visible trail of blood into the bathroom, where the sink was still stained and there was blood smeared on the floor. “What happened?” His breathing started to pick up. “Where’s Matteo?”

“He’s okay,” Mia said, placing a hand on Jonas’s shoulder. “He’s in the hospital, he’ll be out in at least three days.”

“At least?” Jonas repeated. He looked lost, stood in the doorway, sleep pale and his hair in a disarray of curls.

“They might want to keep him longer,” Linn said. “I stayed for almost a week when I went in.”

Hans took her hand and held it tight. Tonight wasn’t an easy night for any of them, but it must have brought back memories for the girl. She smiled sadly at him, patting his hand.

“What… what happened?” There were tears in Jonas’ eyes. “Please, just tell me what happened.”

Hans sighed and patted the sofa next to him. Jonas sat down heavily.

“He got home after going somewhere, we don’t know where,” Hans explained. “He started completely destroying his room, and then… I don’t know what happened, but he was bleeding. A lot.”

Jonas looked shattered. “But he’ll be okay?”

Hans nodded. “He’ll be okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I accidentally posted this at the end of another fix, that’s embarrassing

They woke up early, despite how late they’d fallen asleep. No one wanted to be alone, so they all stayed on the sofa, Jonas resting his head heavily on Hans’ shoulder. Mia made breakfast, frying some bacon and making toast, but she was distracted and the food ended up slightly burnt, but no one complained. They sat around the table, silently chewing with dry mouths. Jonas’ eyes were red rimmed and he kept running his hand over his face, wiping away fresh tears almost as soon as they fell.

“Can we visit him?” he asked, his voice thick.

“At noon,” Mia said. “That’s when the nurse said the visiting hours started. 12 to 15:30. We have to wait four hours.”

“What should we do?” Hans asked.

They were quiet, all thinking, or trying not to think.

“We need to clean up,” Mia said. “The hallway floor, the bathroom… Matteo’s room.” She stood, gathering their empty dishes and sighing. “I can do that bathroom.”

“Nein,” Hans said. “I’ll do it.”

“I know how to clean up blood,” Linn said quietly. “I’ll do it.”

They all stared at her. She smiled slightly, huffing out a laugh. “My period can be bad sometimes, and it helps to just sit on the floor and let it happen. Don’t be worried.”

They all nodded, relieved from something they didn’t quite understand. Mia took the hall, leaving Jonas and Hans to clean Matteo’s room. They picked through tipped over furniture, broken electronics, and shattered picture frames. Hans was filling a bin bag with torn books and making a note of each one in his phone so that he could replace them when Jonas made a small noise.

“Oh,” he said, staring at something.

“What is it?” Hans asked.

When Jonas didn’t answer, Hans walked over, bn bag in hand, but pulled up short when he saw what Jonas was staring at. There was a broken shard of glass, obviously from a picture frame that had dashed against the wall, it’s jagged edges smeared with blood. It was sitting half in a small pool of crimson, drying to a rusty brown around the outside. Hans sighed and pulled on a latex glove from the box they’d deposited on Matteo’s bed. He picked up the glass and threw it away, patting Jonas on the head with his ungloved hand.

“He’s never gotten this bad before,” Jonas said, still staring at the floor. “He’s had, like… meltdowns before, but never to this level. He throws one or two things and then calms down. He trashed his room and slit his wrist. What the hell is that?”

Hans sat on Matteo’s bed and sighed. “How much do you know about David?”

Jonas frowned at him. “The new kid from my math class?” He shrugged. “Not much, why?”

“He and Matteo have been spending quite a lot of time together,” Hans said, trying to be as careful as possible. “He and Matteo have… grown close.”

“Were they together?” Jonas asked, sitting next to him. “Dating?”

Hans blinked. “You know that Matteo’s…”

“Gay?” Jonas nodded. “I think I’ve known since we were 13? I know that he had a crush on me at one point. I don’t know if it stopped of if he just got better at hiding it.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Of course.” Jonas shrugged. “He’s my best friend, has been since we were toddlers. I’m not going to leave for something as simple as a school boy crush. Matteo and I are tight.”

Hans wrapped his arms around Jonas in a sudden hug. Jonas hugged him back, laughing slightly. “What’s this for?”

“I could have used a friend like you when I was his age.” Hans pulled back, wiping his eyes. “I was so alone, and when I came out, almost all my friends left me. I’m glad he has you.”

“But he doesn’t think he does, does he?” Jonas asked, eyes watering once more. “He never talks to me, he doesn’t think he can.”

“I think he does, but he just… isn’t in the best headspace right now.” Hans sighed. “I honestly don’t know what was going on with David, he told me about their relationship and then the same night all this happened.”

“It was never just him being him, was it?” Jonas asked. “I tried to put it off in my head, telling myself that there wasn’t something there, that there wasn’t something behind the jokes, behind the looks. He doesn’t smile as much anymore.”

Hans shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

 

*

 

They got to the hospital a few minutes early, but the nurse on duty remembered them, sans Jonas, and let them in.

“He’s still under the effects of the sedatives from this morning,” she explained, “so he’s still a bit groggy. He might be slow at answering questions or he might not answer at all.” 

She led them into a little waiting area and gestured for them to sit.

“I’ll go get him.”

They waited in silence, Jonas looking around the room. It seemed to be half waiting area and half recreational room.

“For some reason I thought this place would look like a prison,” Jonas commented, trying to fill the quiet air.

“Everyone does,” Linn said. “But it’s actually not that bad.”

The nurse came back, followed by Matteo, bundled up in a thick hoodie with the hospital logo on the back. He was rubbing his eye.

“He just woke up from a nap,” the nurse explained. She turned back to Matteo, smiling. “See? Your friends came to visit you.”

He grunted, moving to sit in the armchair across from them, running his hands over his face.

“Hallo,” Matteo said.

“Hallo,” Hans said, smiling at him. “How are you feeling?”

Matteo grunted again, looking at each of them one at a time. “Jonas?”

“Hi,” Jonas replied, smiling.

“What’re you doing here?”

“He came with us,” Mia said, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. “He showed up last night, he felt like something was wrong. He’s a good friend.”

“I know.” Matteo blinked heavily, looking around the room. “When can I go home?”

“Three days from now, at the very least,” Linn said. “Then we’ll come and pick you up. We promise.”

Matteo nodded.

“How about Mia, Linn, and I go down to the canteen and you and Jonas talk, huh?” Hans asked. Without waiting for an answer, Hans shuffled the two girls away, looking back once to make sure the two boys were okay. When did he become a mother hen?

Jonas smiled at Matteo again, trying not to let his chin wobble with the tears that were building in his throat. “You know that I’m here for you, right?”

Matteo nodded, averting his eyes. He tucked his legs up to his chest, his socked feet sticking out over the edge of his seat. 

Swallowing, Jonas said, “Would you mind coming to sit on the sofa, please?”

Shrugging, Matteo stood and shuffled over to sit next to him, grunting with surprise when Jonas pulled him into a tight hug. Jonas pulled away, resting their foreheads together, and Matteo knew, somewhere in his drug fuddled brain, that this was what he had wanted so fucking badly only a few months ago.

“I’m gay,” he said before he could stop himself.

“I know,” Jonas replied.

Matteo sat back, frowning. “You do? Since when?”

“Since we were 13.” Jonas smiled, chuckling slightly. “Since the summer of my cousin Klaus.”

Matteo laughed a little, covering his face. “Ah, noooo. Not Klaus, that was embarrassing.”

Jonas smiled. “I’m glad you’re…” He was going to say okay. “Laughing.” He pulled Matteo into another hug, tighter than the first. “I’m here for you, you know?”

Matteo nodded. 

“Good.” Jonas let him go. “You can tell me anything. I promise.” He softly punched Matteo’s shoulder. “We’re best friends.”

“I know.” Matteo thought for a moment. “There’s a boy I like.”

“Ja?”

Matteo nodded. “David. We kissed, hung out a bunch.” His head was fuzzy, and he just wanted to go back to sleep, but he was less out of it than anyone expected. “He then told me he thought that we were going too fast, and then that he didn’t like me anymore. I smashed my phone.”

“And then you went home?”

“Ja.” Matteo nodded. “And then I went home.”

“All of this is because of a boy?” Jonas held up a hand. “That came out bad. David was the tipping point that lead to you… doing this?”

Matteo nodded again. He looked down at his lap, at his hands. He pulled his left sleeve back, exposing the thick white gauze wrapped around his wrist. He scratched at the skin around it, wishing he could get at the itch under his skin. The nurse told him it was itching because it was healing, but that didn’t help anything. “I was so happy with him, happier than I had been for a while, and then he said that to me. I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t know what to think, so I went home and everything became too much. My parents, David, you guys.”

“Us?” Jonas asked.

“Pretending to be something I’m not to be around you guys.” It was Matteo’s turn to hold up his hand to stop Jonas from speaking. “I know that you knew, now, and that you don’t mind. I get that I could, now, but before? I didn’t think I could.” He sighed, curling up in his corner. “I still don’t feel like I’m ready to tell Abdi and Carlos.”

“Then you don’t have to.” Jonas smiled at him. “I know, Hans, Mia, and Linn know. That can be enough for now.”

Matteo nodded, closing his eyes and resting his head on the arm of the sofa. “Thank you.”

 

*

 

Jonas had to go home after his midnight exodus. His parents were pissed, but when they found out what happened, they nodded and let it go. He was given a warning to not do it again, and he was sent to his room. The rest of Saturday and all of Sunday passed in a blur of worry and studying, occasionally getting a text from someone, but barely responding. He packed his bag for school on Monday, absentmindedly wondering if Matteo was going to meet him at the bus stop or the school, when everything that happened came rushing back. He sat on he edge of his bed, resting his head in his hands and sighing.

“Jonas?” his mother called. “You’ll be late!”

The walk to school took longer than normal, or at least it felt like it did. When he got there, it took him a moment to realise that the person he was searching the crowd for was Matteo.

“Bro!” Carlos called, offering a hand for a high five. “What’s going on, man? You didn’t answer any of our texts over the weekend.”

“Ja, sorry. I was with Matteo, he’s… going through some stuff.”

“Doesn’t he have a test today?” Abdi asked, looking around.

“He’s not coming today, he’ll figure something out with administration.” At least he hoped that the school would be understanding.

Walking into the school, Jonas wasn’t ready for his first sight of David. The boy was walking around as if nothing had happened, and it made Jonas’ blood boil. Shaking his head, he walked to his first exam.

 

*

 

After his exam, Jonas was sitting in the foyer, waiting for Abdi and Carlos to be done with there exams. He was scrolling through his phone when someone passed in front of him. Looking up, he saw David once again, and he spoke before he could stop himself.

“Asshole.”

David stopped, looking back at him with confused eyes. “I’m sorry?”

“You should be.” Jonas felt himself go red in the face, embarrassed and angry in equal parts. “Do you even understand what you did to Matteo?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” David started to walk away.

“You kissed him and then you broke him.” Jonas stood and followed, reaching for David’s shoulder and pulling him around. “You don’t get to walk away from this.”

“Look,” David said, shoving him back slightly. “I don’t know what he told you, but there wasn’t ever anything between us. It was one kiss.”

“And you think one kiss doesn’t mean anything?” Jonas asked, laughing and taking a step back. “Of course he’d fall for the one person who wouldn’t give a shit about him.”

David had the audacity to look hurt. “I give a shit about him, I just don’t have feelings for him.” Something in his voice sounded like a lie.

“It’s your fault he did what he did.” Jonas shook his head and started to walk away.

David pulled him back. “What are you talking about? What did he do?”

And the anger that Jonas was holding in came flooding out. He shover David in the chest, harshly, sending the other boy sprawling to the ground. He had tears in his eyes, glaring down at David. “It’s your fault. It’s all your fault. He’s not here because of you. He’s gone because of you.”

“Gone?” David repeated, a terrified look taking root on his face. “What do you mean gone? Jonas, tell me he didn’t kill himself.”

“No,” Jonas said, laughing a little manically, “but he tried.” Jonas ran his hands through his hair. “He tried, because of you. You were the last thing in a lifetime of shit that tipped the balance. You are an asshole.”

He stormed away, leaving David on the floor behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Hans smiled as he opened the front door on Tuesday morning, leading Matteo into the flat.

“Okay,” he said, setting his keys down on the small table near in the entryway. “We have a full stocked fridge and I was in touch with your mother to get you a new phone, so that’ll be here soon.”

“You talked to my mother?” Matteo asked. “Did you talk about me?”

“I told her that someone stole your phone, and asked her to turn that one off and get you a new one. She asked why you weren’t calling her yourself, and I told her you were too embarrassed.”

Matteo nodded, walking over to his room and looking around at his stuff, a large portion of it missing. 

“I got you new picture frames,” Hans said from behind him. “And I’m buying you books to replace the ones you lost.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.”

Matteo flopped down onto his bed, sighing in relief. “I’m glad to be back.”

“Ja?” Hans asked, sitting next to him. “That’s good. Do you want anything? Any food, a drink?”

“A coke would be nice.”

“Of course!”

Hans went to the kitchen, grabbing a cold coke from the fridge, and walked back quickly. He passed Matteo the can of pop, smiling as he sat.

“Do you want to do anything?” Hans asked. “Watch a movie, play a game?”

“I wouldn’t mind a movie. What are you watching right now?”

“Oh, well the last movie I was watching with  _ Heathers _ , but I don’t know if you’d like it. Lots of girl drama, very… gay.”

Matteo sighed. “I’m sorry I offended you. I didn’t mean it like-”

“I get it, it’s fine.” Hans waved his hands to dismiss the conversation. “Forgiven and forgotten.”

“Okay…” Matteo shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind watching it.”

“No, it’s fine.” Hans was starting to sweat a little, a nervous ball forming in his stomach. “There’s a lot of drama and death in it, maybe it’s not the best movie to watch right now.”

“Why not?”

Hans swallowed. “Well, the deaths in it are… posed as suicides, and… given recent events, maybe… we shouldn’t watch it.”

Matteo snorted a laugh. “I’m not going to rush to do it again just because of the mention, Hans.”

“I know!” Hans swallowed. “I’m sure you want some sleep?”

“I could take a nap.” 

Hans bustled about for a few minutes, making sure that Matteo was tucked in and comfortable. He turned the light off and was just about to close the door when he turned around and said, “If you need anything, I’ll be in my room.”

 

*

 

Jonas didn’t expect David to sit down next to him at the bus stop.

“Tell me what happened,” was all he said, staring at Jonas with intense eyes.

Sighing out a lungful of smoke, Jonas shrugged. “He came out to Hans and then left, but Hans said he was back within the half hour, and then he cut his wrist and was taken to the hospital. Hans texted me this morning, saying that Matteo is home now, but he spent the past three days in a psychiatric ward. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

David just stared at him. 

“What?”

“That doesn’t sound like Matteo.”

Jonas snorted. “What? The fuck do you even know about Matteo?”

“He’s funny and flirty,” David said, looking down at his hands. “He smiles at the drop of a hat and he likes memes. He’s playful and he pretends to bite people. He cooks shitty food and laughs with his whole body. That’s Matteo.”

“That’s happy Matteo, maybe.” Jonas took another drag of his joint. “You don’t know him, not really. He’s depressed. He throws things when he’s mad, he smokes too much and he barely eats. He doesn’t laugh, he’s never playful. He isolates himself and doesn’t text people back.”

David shook his head. “It’s almost like we’re describing two different people.”

“Why did you tell him you weren’t into him?”

Again, David shook his head. “It’s personal.”

“Nothing is personal when it comes to someone trying to die.”

 

*

 

Hans jumped when the doorbell rang. When he got to the door, he wasn’t at all surprised to see Jonas stood there with a pizza and a six-pack of coke.

“We missed the first episode of the final season of  _ Game of Thrones _ ,” Jonas explained. “I thought I’d come over and watch it with him.”

Hans nodded, letting Jonas in and going back to his own room after stealing a coke and a slice of pizza. “You tell me if anything happens, okay?”

Jonas knocked on Matteo’s door, waiting for his answer before going in.

“Hey,” Matteo said with a small smile. “Pizza?”

“We missed  _ Game of Thrones _ ,” Jonas answered.

“Fuck, I forgot. Was it any good?”

“I haven’t watched it.” Jonas sat down next to him. “We’re going to watch it together.” He opened the pizza box. “Hans stole a piece.”

Matteo nodded, picking up a slice and reaching for his laptop. He opened his browser and the streaming site they always used, clicking on the latest episode, sitting back and cracking open a can of coke.

“You ready for this?” Jonas asked. When Matteo nodded, he smiled. “Good. I heard it’s good, but I heard no spoilers, so I don’t know what’s going to happen.” The video was still buffering. “Do you need anything?”

Matteo sighed. “For people to stop asking me if I need something. Mia, Linn, Hans. They all keep looking in on me, asking me if I need anything, asking me if I wanted company, to do something. Linn even offered to paint my nails. I feel shitty enough as it is already, okay?”

“Okay.”

They were silent as the episode started. They were a few minutes in when Jonas spoke again, reaching for the space bar to pause the video.

“Matteo, you understand why we’re worried, ja?” he asked.

“Of course,”’ Matteo sighed. He was scratching at his bandage again. “I’ll have a reminder for the rest of my life. But it’s just annoying with everything looking in at me and acting like I’m going to break. Like I’m made of fucking glass or something.”

Jonas nodded. “Okay. No more awkward questions.”

“Thank you.”

 

*

 

He knocked on the door, hoping against hope that no one would answer the it, but of course someone did. It was Mia, he knew, she went to school with him.

“David.”

“Hallo.”

“Are you here for Matteo?”

“Ja.”

She looked him up and down, unimpressed, but let him in. He walked down the hall, getting weird looks from the other guy in the apartment, but he walked on, stopping in front of Matteo’s door. He knocked, listening for an answer.

The door was pulled open almost angrily.

“I don’t need any more-” Matteo pulled up short. “David.”

“Hallo.” He looked behind the other boy. “Can I come in?”

“Nein.” Matteo stepped out into the hallway, forcing David to take a step back. “What do you want?”

David’s eyes were stuck on the white gauze around Matteo’s left wrist. He hid it behind his back, reaching up with the other hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear. His fingers were bandaged, too, plasters wrapped around each digit, two small stitches in the palm of his hand. 

“I’m sorry.” David sighed. “I didn’t know… this would hurt you as much as it did.” He shrugged. “Jonas told me what happened, how you were when you weren’t with me. If I had known, I… would have said it better.” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t have said it at all.”

“So you would have gone along, not liking me but pretending to, if you thought I would try to kill myself if you broke up with me?” Matteo snorted. “That’s just shitty, David.”

“No, I would have told you… what I don’t want to tell you.” He sighed. “I thought that it would be better to make you hate me because I was an ass, not because…”

Matteo opened his bedroom door, picking up on the fact that this wasn’t a conversation to have in the presence of prying ears. He closed the door behind David. They both sat on his bed, David holding his coat.

“Because what?” Matteo asked.

“I’m trans.”

Matteo blinked. “Oh.” He shrugged. “So, do you have a name that you want me to call you? Should I use, like… girl words?”

“Nein.” David shook his head, eyes slightly wider than before. “No girl words, guy words. I’m a boy. I just… wasn’t…” He sighed. “I was assigned the female sex at birth, but that’s wrong.”

Nodding, Matteo shrugged. “Okay? What’s the problem? I’m gay, I like guys, you’re a guy.”

It was David’s turn to blink a few times, staring at Matteo. “That’s it? I told you I wasn’t born a guy and you just… shrug it off?”

“Uh, ja? What did you want me to do?” Matteo shrugged again. “You say you’re a guy, you’re a guy. You’re still David, even if you weren’t born with the right parts.”

David shook his head, slumping backwards. “This… isn’t how I thought things were going to go. The last guy I came out to freaked out.”

“Well, then he’s shitty.” Matteo laid down next to him. “Do you wanna watch something?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.” Matteo shrugged. “ _ Heathers _ ?”


End file.
